Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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