The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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