Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
