I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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