yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
