we made out on top of his cat.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
