Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
