Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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