You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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