can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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