So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
