I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
