Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just want nice things and good sex
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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