were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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