Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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