I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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