I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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