i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
