Already got asked if we're dating
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
