You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
