but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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