Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
