I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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