I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
