Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
