why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
