Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize