I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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