the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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