wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
