people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
