Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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