operation harelip BJ is a go
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
whose ass print is on the piano?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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