we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
