Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
