Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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