I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
