Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
