sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize