It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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