woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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