his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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