I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
