I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
