I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
