Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can you bring me the toilet please
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize