she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
