I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
