You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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