I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
