Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
