found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Terrible idea I love it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
