Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
