so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
