Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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