Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
