So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize