Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
