Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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