Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
