watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
