please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
