oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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