it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
please come you make the beer taste better
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
