official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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