I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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