So drunk its hurt
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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