I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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