One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
