I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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