it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
