Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
