You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
