I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
