we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
