the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
