I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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