My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
